Done

Beta blood draw this morning.

I had all sorts of symptoms. My boobs were bug and tender, the smell of the stairwell on my way up to the clinic for my blood draw made me gag…and it was negative.

A month plus of injections and another month of birth control and a beautiful embryo and wonderful lining and nada.

The nurse left the news via voicemail on my phone and directed me to call back to make a consult with the doc. But, honestly, there’s no point. I’m not willing or able to do any more treatments. I’m done. I’m so done.

 I cried. I’ve had 3 beers. I intend to have a giant fully caffeinated coffee tomorrow. I’m done crying, I think. It will be ok. I’ve been very lucky to have the two beautiful kiddos I do. This is the end of the ttc road for us.

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10 thoughts on “Done

  1. Gosh darn it, I’ve been hoping for you for days and days as the beta got closer. This sucks, and I’m so sorry. It’s tough to have this decision made for you. We got a third opinion on our situation and got another, “no more babies.” I’m pretty good with it, but I have my moments of frustration and yes, envy. Life will be easier with two, but I’ll wonder how it would have been with three for a long time. For your ttc “journey” (ack!) to end like this is devastating and you need to be kind to yourself and let yourself feel how you need and want to feel.

    Sending hugs. And hoping that you’ll find peace eventually just knowing that TTC and IF are behind you. As much as I’m still thinking about this in regards to my family, it is nice to now know that we’re done, even if not on our terms. Closure… It’s a toughie.

    Hang in there.

  2. Oh no, I was hoping and praying for a different outcome from this cycle for you. I’m so sorry to read this, A. Thinking of you and C tonight…

  3. Ugh, I am so so sorry to read this news. You gave it all you have though and I hope that brings a little peace during this time. I wish it didn’t have to be this way…hugs!

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