here we go

Obligatory meds shot.

Obligatory meds shot.

 

My first and only FET is ready to kick off with Lupron injections. I have 8 pages of instructions to follow from my nurse. I’ve been on BCPs for over a month and spotting on them for a week and a half now. I’ll continue on Lupron through 9/20, with embryo transfer on 9/25. This whole thing feels so weird and foreign and not at all like it’s going to work.

I’ve never done an FET and this protocol is a little mind boggling to me, but it’s what my doc prefers and it’s nice to have things scheduled out for childcare and my husband’s work schedule purposes. I have a big ole box of medicine and syringes and a sharps container…and it just feels…so odd that i’ll be injecting myself in the stomach on the daily starting tomorrow.

When we did Kate’s IVF cycle, I was very well prepared. I had weaned Luke at least 6 months prior, been eating clean for months, off caffeine, at my lowest weight since I started college (around 160 lbs). Right now, despite eating fairly well and being active I’ve gained weight since starting birth control and weaning Kate a little over a month ago. Like, 7 lbs-ish I think, and I was already well above that best weight for me. I know this is a combo of factors combined causing this, but it’s hard to feel so down about my body and out of control, instead of positive and in control like I did with Kate’s cycle.

I’ve been trying to do better about eating – mostly paleo, lots of veggies, one cup of (caffeinated) coffee tops, drinking green juices, and passing on the alcohol (though that big glass of chardonnay last night was nice after a long day in the city, I think it may be my last until after the transfer (and, hopefully) after 9+ months of pregnancy and a healthy baby is born. The scale won’t budge and at this point I just have to roll with this. I was hoping things would go in the other direction before the FET and try as I might to get that to happen, it just didn’t.

I really want to do this all again, to be pregnant and feel a baby kick, to breastfeed and carry and care for another newborn, to add another little baby to our lives. I’ve been afraid to admit that’s what I really want and that’s what I see for our family, but it is. I see Kate as our middle child and Leopold as our oldest. I’m not willing to do multiple IVFs to get there, but it’s really, really what my heart wants. It’s hard to admit it and I have a lot of mixed emotions from all the IF and loss baggage. I know I’m so incredibly lucky to already have two beautiful, healthy kids it feels odd and greedy to dare to hope and try for another.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I uploaded that meds picture above just now, and the last uploaded picture to this blog was a shot of the positive pee stick from that doomed pregnancy from May. GULP. Anyway.

 

Here goes nothing. I’ll try to update a bit more often during the cycle, but I don’t know that there will be anything really to say until after the embryo is transferred.

If you’ve done Lupron, how did you feel on it? Just BCP has made me bloated and moody, so I can imagine Lupron is going to be a trip. Sigh.

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7 thoughts on “here we go

  1. Lupron was rough from a bloating and weight gain perspective for me, but it did not make me moody or give me hot flashes like some people complain about. I consider myself lucky! Good luck… a frozen cycle is WAY easier than a fresh cycle. You are going to be amazed by how easy it is (until the progesterone shots, which suck, suck, suck!).

  2. Good luck, dear!! I am so hopeful for you. I know what you mean abou feeling guilty or as though it’s greedy to want one more. We of course know that logically it’s not, but it’s hard to get around that feeling. And, fwiw (and it’s not likely worth much), for some reason I have ALWAYS thought you’d have a third. Hugs!

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