In our part of the world, fall has arrived. There was a distinct temperature shift a couple of weeks back (a 30 degree F drop in temp highs actually), pumpkin spice lattes are back, the apple orchards are calling, and that crisp difference in the air is there…ahh, yes, fall is here.
This change in seasons feels so dramatic and anticipatory this year. This is when shit gets really for lady baby’s arrival. This is when the months of waiting turn into weeks, then melt away until days are left. This is when all the preparations for this birth come to fruition in however they are supposed to. All the time and money spent on a doula, on acupuncture, time spent on searching for a new doctor, the switch to a new hospital, etc. The end is near and I just hope that the experience is a positive one and I’ll feel all my efforts were worthwhile. At the end of the day, I try to keep focus on that I am giving myself and this baby the best shot I could possibly give vaginal birth and if that’s not meant to be, that’s okay. I just want peace about how it all unfolded and to know I gave it a great shot.
Beyond the whole VBAC or repeat c-section question going on in my mind, there’s also the if I go into labor, when will it start?! Everyone loves to tell me tales that they went at 37w3d or 38w etc, etc. the truth is, I think I’ll be pregnant past my due date of October 13th. I also think this baby will be well over 8 pounds if not another niner like her big bro. I’m not scared of either of these things, instead I am trying to accept and be zen. This baby will be born when she’s ready to, and I need to be patient waiting for her arrival. It will all work out and be fine and I need to roll with it. I can.
But some days? I wake up after a terrible night of sleep, absolutely exhausted and just want to have the baby already. When I try to find clothes that fit over my enormous 37 week bump and every morning it’s a struggle to find something that fits (there are very few options right now and I refuse to buy anything new…). I am also insanely emotional lately. Anything will make me cry. I feel myself start to panic, think negatively…I cannot do this for another month. Is the baby okay in there?
I constantly have to take a step back and refocus. Have patience. Take a walk. Keep busy. Listen to hypnobabies meditations. Trust that this baby is doing great in there (doc says she is!) and that she WILL come out when the time is right. Close myself off to everyone else’s opinions about labor and birth and just stay in my little world. My Mom’s group is particularly dangerous right now as many are pregnant and almost everyone is going to be induced or were induced…and it’s all coming to a head for many (one is due the day before me). My doctor has been great so far – I tried to ask at my last appointment about what happens if I don’t go into labor before 42 weeks and he shut me down. His response was perfect: “don’t be negative. We will talk about our options if we get there. Just focus on staying healthy, you are doing great.”
I’m on a pendulum of zen to panic and fighting to get back again. I’m so glad I have a great support system around me – my husband, doula, and doctor are all fantastic and I trust them all to be supportive in the coming weeks and whatever lies ahead.
One day at a time. While I wait, I am going to acupuncture weekly to get my body ready for labor and I’m toying with the idea of seeing a massage therapist as well. I just need to find one close by who isn’t too expensive.
I can’t believe we’re so close to meeting our second child.