We saw the most beautiful thing today, a flickering heartbeat on the ultrasound screen ticking away at 134 beats per minute. Stanley looks great, measuring 6w4d (right on track according to transfer date). I haven’t had any bleeding from the hematoma that I’ve noticed but it has shrunk as did my formerly giant ovaries. (I figured the ovaries had gone down as I can wear my jeans again comfortably.) Good news all around and a giant sigh of relief over here. I have on more ultrasound appointment next Thursday with my RE, then it’s off to an OB. (an appointment I haven’t made yet. See internal strife about previous birth experience and anxiety about early pregnancy. I will probably make an appointment today with my old OB just to see what she has to say and get something in the books).

I was holding back tears waiting for the flicker to appear on the screen. I was so scared we weren’t going to get good news today. Especially in the wake of my brother and SIL having a baby Tuesday night, it all just felt eerily like 2010, when I went through my ectopic as my SIL and BIL welcomed a newborn.

Chances are good we will welcome a baby in October 2013. Of course it is still early and things can still go wrong, but after a heartbeat is detected the rate of miscarriage drops significantly. I’m going to try to be optimistic, but will be holding my breath a bit through the first trimester (and through the whole pregnancy if I’m honest)

I chatted with my RE briefly at the ultrasound about what the IVF cycle. My response was “very poor for someone my age” but age trumps all so we had two stellar embryos despite very few eggs. My FSH was very high, she said, a 17. Highest it’s ever been for me. If we would want more kids, she would suggest jumping right to IVF after 4 months or so TTC on our own, doing a fresh cycle and seeing what happens, then falling back on our embryo. We haven’t decided what our plans are, beyond we will definitely give our frozen embryo a shot at transfer (which she said is about a 50% chance at working). Basically she thinks if we want more kids, we could get there, but we wouldn’t want to take our time doing so. It feels great to that she’s optimistic we have options for the future, but I am just overwhelmingly grateful to be pregnant and hopefully have two children. It still feels too good to be true.

But damn, I did fight like hell to make it happen.

6w4d. I am one lucky mama. Come on Stanley, please make Leopold a big bro! ❤

I am really sorry I haven’t been reading or commenting lately, I’ve been staying off of my computer to keep from going crazy or googling all the things. Will catch up soon. xo



12 thoughts on “heartbeat!

  1. Huge congratulations! Such wonderful news. I love seeing the heartbeat in that first ultrasound- it’s such an amazing miracle!

  2. What wonderful news!!!! 🙂 I am so happy you were able to hear Stanley’s strong, healthy, heartbeat today. I am sure that put your mind very much at ease. I know you will remain nervous throughout the pregnancy as any IFer would, but I hope for the most part you are able to stay positive and look forward to your sweet baby to arrive in less than 9 months’ time!! So so happy for you!!!!!

  3. OMG! AL!!! I’m SO far behind and, somehow, only just realized who you were!!! I’m horribly embarrassed! And, sad that I haven’t been there during this process for you! BUT, I’m SOOOOOO excited to see this news!! Sending you lots of wonderful vibes and positive thoughts!!!!!!

  4. Congratulations! So, so, happy for you! Praying for a happy and healthy pregnancy for you. Having been through IVF (successful on round 2!), I know the challenge of just taking it day by day.

  5. You sure did fight like hell! What a relief to have seen the heartbeat. I’m really happy for you and wishing you a wonderful pregnancy.

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